There is a new man in my life...

...and his name is Kirby!  Step aside, Charles...or actually...just roll over a little.  This curly little ball of sweetness sleeps right beside me in our bed.  YUP!  He snores only slightly less than Charles, so it is a little noisy at night.  ;)

Several months ago, my allergies and asthma, which did not even appear until I hit the age of 30, kicked into super high gear.  I have to do lunch duty every day at school because 30 minutes outside at recess pretty much sends me straight to my rescue inhaler.  (Have you ever seen a room full of 5 and 6 year olds eating?  I do NOT recommend it!) I have become highly allergic to cats and shedding breeds of dogs.  That is REALLY unpleasant for me because I ADORE dogs!

As it turns out, I can be around a few, low/non shedding breeds without a problem.  The breeds that work for me include Maltese, Bischon Frise and Poodles.  Since Charles is NOT a fan of poodles, I have been searching high and low for a Maltese or Bischon through rescue organizations.

We finally found our match with Kirby!  He is a Bischon, about 6 or 7 years old.  He is housebroken, past all things puppy, and just a lap dog!  He has brought me SO MUCH happiness!  I can just sit and pet him for hours!  He truly slows me down, and THAT is a GOOD thing!  The girls love him too, and so does Charles.  (Though I am not sure he will admit it!)  We are hoping to add another Bischon to the family soon to keep him company.  The one we are waiting for is a female, about 5 years old, from the same rescue.  She will be heading to the vet next week for shots, standard testing, spaying, etc.  If all goes well, we hope she will join our family as well.  So far, we think her name will be Molly.  She is about 12 pounds.  The Kirb man is 22 pounds!  How cute will it be to see him curled up with a girl half his size!?

Look at his face!  WHAT a CUTIE!!

Get a tissue...

I will try to post this from my phone. Hopefully, you can click on the picture on the blog to enlarge it so you can read my Christmas gift from Kennedy. She wrote a different one for Charles and one for Mia as well.  It was evident that she put alot of thought into each one.  So sweet.

Has It Really Been Five Years??

Where in the world did the last five years go?  It seems like we were just in China yesterday with Gene and Lorie, waiting to meet Mia and Zoe.  I can remember how nervous Annie and I were, waiting to go to the adoption affairs office.  I remember going up the elevator with no idea if Mia was already there.  Would she like us?  Would she trust us?  Would she love us?  I guess it all worked out.  Five blazing fast years have passed and Mia is just as awesome today as she was on the day that we met.

We celebrated our Gotcha anniversary by taking Mia to a local Chinese buffet, where we all proceeded to eat too much.  Mia got to pick the place, since it's her day.  She wanted dim sum, but the place we wanted to go to is closed on Tuesdays.  Oh well...everything else about today was just about perfect.

12/27/06

12/27/11

Thanks to everyone that helped us meet Mia. No matter how small the roles may have seemed at the time, they were incredible as far as we are concerned.

Hey Kennedy...only four more years to go!

Merry Christmas, Y'all!

Three pics of the whole fam!

A first look at what Santa left at our house.

Obviously, she liked these movies.  But look at how darn CUTE she is!!!

Kennedy LOVES books!

This is me, reading to the girls...and our little man, Kirby!

Two beautiful daughters, curled up with mom!

Anticipation at Nana and Papa's house...

Kennedy was VERY excited when she opened up this purse!

"WOW!!  MORE stuff from Santa at Nana and Papa's house!!!

Mia would NOT like me posting this one, but it shows her CRAZED excitement that lasted throughout the entire day!!!

Not much time for words today.  I know you really only check for the pictures anyway!!  Hope you enjoyed a peek at our Christmas.  It was great!  Yesterday, Charles and I celebrated 19 years of marriage!  Today, we are celebrating our 5 year Gotcha Day with Mia!  We are heading out to eat at her favorite Chinese food spot soon!  It has been a full 3 days of happiness and celebration!  We wish you all the same!

The Great Outdoors

I rarely blog, so I thought I would at least post a few pictures of our amazing girls!  Mia looks grumpy in a few, but she had the sun in her eyes.  They actually had a great time!  Promise!

Happy Birthday and Boo to You Too!

Mia is 7!!  HOW did that happen so fast???

Mia and her BFF, Leesie...our girl chose a skate party again this year!

This is what Mia's face looks like right as she is about to crash on to the skate floor...

Kennedy and her good friend Charlotte.  They met in high school a few weeks ago, before we found out Kennedy was really only 12 and needed to be moved to junior high school!  Still recovering from that news!

Trick or treat???

Since she is younger than we thought, Kennedy got to dress up for the first time ever for Halloween.  We tried to talk her out of the witch costume, but it is what she really wanted.  She said, "Witches are bad, but I am pretending...so I am not bad!"  We could not really argue with her logic!

Here are our two beauties at the Halloween festival.

OK, this one posted out of order...but check out the "REALLY DAD????" pose.  Can you even IMAGINE when she is a teenager?????  Can you say ATTITUDE CHECK!!??

Action shot of the ring toss.  (Really, Mia wanted me to post a picture of her "cute cheerleader hair"!)

Pic In The Park

I took the girls to a local park over the weekend. I snapped this totally cute picture and had to share it.

Things are not always as they seem...

What do 12 year olds like to do???  Well...now I know, since I actually have one!  Yes, you read that correctly!  Anyway...see the photos above for some of Kennedy's favorite recent activities!

As we approach our first full year together, Kennedy has started to share more and more information about her life in China.  I think that she finally truly understands that family is forever, and this is a permanent thing.  She also understands MOST English, and speaks the language pretty well.

As a result, she recently told us that her Chinese name and birthdate were not accurate. (We had a feeling the age was off by at least one year...) A few days later, she shared many more details, including the fact that she was given a new name and a birthdate that was 2 years older than her age when she arrived at the orphanage.  GULP!  This information was delivered during dinner...at a restaurant...in public...

I was pretty proud of how calm I remained as the blood drained from my face and hands.  I excused myself from the table and freaked out where she would not see me.  I returned to the table where I assured her that she could tell us ANYTHING, and we would still love her the same.  She waited a few more days, then gave us the full story.  She was visibly relieved.

She has been a totally different kid since then!  She is relaxed, playful and at peace.  She looked at me in the middle of a shoe store last weekend and said, "Mom, since I told you the truth, I feel so much better!"  I can not imagine how hard it has been for her to keep her identity hidden for so long.  There is an unspoken tension that has disappeared from our home and we have made huge strides in the bonding process in a short period of time. 

Kennedy and Mia have been getting along better than ever as well.  They jump-rope, play with sidewalk chalk, and do other "kid stuff" that Kennedy has been pretending not to be interested in...though we could see that she was.  Bless her heart, she has been in 9th grade for the last 9 weeks.  HIGH SCHOOL.  A 12 year old!!!  Double GULP!

We had a meeting at the school yesterday and decided as a team (Charles, myself, the principal, counselor and ESL teacher) that Kennedy will move to 7th grade on Monday.  We are all relieved.  This will also give us back 2 precious years with her and give her more time to develop physically, emotionally, socially and academically before she actually does get to high school. 

When we go through the readoption process (...not required, but we did it with Mia and will do the same with Kennedy...) she has asked that we remove her inaccurate Chinese name that we had retained as a second middle name.  We asked if she wanted her actual Chinese name added, and she does not.  We will ask again when the time comes, but will certainly remove the inaccurate name.  As far as the birthdate...that is not as simple.  We will at least move it to June from March.  However, adjusting it 2 years earlier can cause problems later when paperwork does not match.  We are working through that as we go.  The most important thing is that we are placing her in the appropriate school setting for her true age and that we celebrate the birthday she knows to be true.  That is our focus for now.

I may not post often, but when I do...I go BIG, huh?!!!!

Kennedy's Camera

I know, we have fallen off the Blog wagon.  Sorry.  No time to spare around here.  In the summer, Kennedy saved some money and purchased her own camera.  Most of the time, she makes videos on it of her and Mia singing or acting silly.  They often have mini photo-shoots that usually get deleted.  Here are some pictures that were captured before the delete party...

Cooling off!

Beautiful Kennedy, photo by Mia.

And here is beautiful Mia, photo by Kennedy.

Just summer pics!

MY planet of the Apes!  (zoo day)

Apparently, they were both intrigued by the turtles.  (Probably because the exhibit was air-conditioned!!)

Take me out to the ball game!

Could these 3 look any more BORED while waiting for Mia's turn to race at Squeeze Play?

OK, now that's better!  At least SMILE like you are having fun in the extreme summer heat!

Kennedy's bowling debut...

Even with this crazy technique, Mia beat all of us at bowling!  Go figure!

Burning HOT

Who can shop in this kind of heat?

I [heart] Swimming

The girls LOVE to go to the pool!

Not always easy...





Here is a picture of Kennedy and me with our dear friend, Swee.  She tutored Kennedy out of the kindness of her heart 2 or more days per week at school.  She is fluent in Mandarin, and helped Kennedy's adjustment tremendously!





This is just a CUTE picture I took of Charles and Mia in our home office.  Awww...

Here are the girls as chefs at our friend Andruw's 5th birthday party.  They got to make their own pizzas from kneading the dough to placing the pizzas in the giant brick oven!  It was a super cool party, and they had a blast!

I started with some random pictures, because we all know that is what you are REALLY checking the blog for!  :)  I don't blame you!  My kids are extremely cute!


I have not been blogging much.  Partially because I rarely find the time these days...and partially because things have been a little rocky around here.  I don't like to post about negative things for privacy reasons, and because Kennedy will read this some day.


I have read some very honest blog posts this summer about things I would never dream of putting in print myself.  However, I am so thankful for those who do.  It is very helpful to hear about the struggles that other families are going through who have adopted older kids internationally, and to read how they are working through the obstacles.


Since I have been helped by reading the stories of others, I decided it is time for me to share a little, in case it will help someone else out there.  (When I say a little...I really mean a LITTLE!!  No juicy details here, sorry.)


If you are considering the adoption of an older child, or if you happen to be in that process, you have most likely done your research, like I did.  You know it can be difficult, and you are aware of some hurdles that may be in your path.  You have planned for the worst, and you are praying for the best.  I know that is how I went into it.


In reality, you can prepare your brain for these things logically.  Preparing your heart and your known and unknown expectations are different matters entirely.


I will preface this by saying we are truly blessed.  Kennedy is a good girl, no major baggage or issues, mostly happy and compliant..."easy", compared to many teens adopted internationally that we have read about.  We love her and she loves us.  We are very fortunate.


With that said, I will add that this has been a much harder journey than I had imagined it would be.  The complete language barrier and hormones alone were more like MOUNTAINS rather than mole hills!  When we adopted Mia, she was 26 months.  She understood Chinese, but didn't speak it.  She needed us for everything...feeding, diapers, baths, entertainment.  It was not a cake walk, especially while we were actually in China...out of our elements.  BUT, bonding came immediately.  When you have waited your whole life to be a mom and you are finally looking into the eyes of your daughter as you rock her and feed her a bottle, a connection is easy to make.


When you adopt a 13...almost 14 year old girl who has only known China as her entire universe, complete with her period, hormones and survival skills well entrenched, the bonding is a process.  It takes work...HARD work.  Life in an orphanage requires adaptation skills that do not typically fit well in a 4 person family setting, complete with a mom and dad.  While Mia chased after me from day one calling, "Mama!!!", it took about 7 months for Kennedy to even address us as mom and dad.  It is not like she was calling us anything else...she was just not addressing us by ANY name.  She would just stare at us and wait for us to look at her, then she would say what she needed to say...usually in a whisper and with no eye contact.  The teacher in me alone had a hard time with that, but when you are working on feeling maternal toward someone who really does not "need" you for much and does not even call you mom...the connection is...well...not so easy to make.


Some things you need to know are that there will probably be a honeymoon period, on both ends!  Everyone reads about possible bonding issues for the older child to the parent.  Know that it is a 2 way street.  It can be equally hard for a parent to bond to a child.  An older child is likely to be very socially immature.  In our case, Kennedy is technically 14, but socially and emotionally more like 8-10 years old on any given day.  Hygiene standards will have to be taught.  Germ theory will have to be taught.  Table manners will have to be taught.  EVERYTHING will have to be taught.  I knew these things, logically.  But somewhere in my expectation framework, I did not fully grasp the reality of it all.  The many "little things" can creep up on you and overwhelm you.  Know that in advance so you will not be bowled over by them.


There have been many things I have struggled silently with since the first day in China.  When you struggle in silence, things WILL build up.  You may trick yourself into believing that everything is fine and keep pushing forward.  Then, one day, you may show up with an unexplainable illness like hives or chronic headaches.  You may feel like you can never take a full, deep breath.  You may go through tons of medical testing, sure that you have a terminal illness, only to discover a clean bill of health, despite your very real physical symptoms.  Then, you might finally sit still one day in silence and realize that all of the feelings and issues you have suppressed are eating you alive.  Stress WILL take a toll on your health.


The best advice I can offer is to talk about whatever you are thinking and feeling to someone you can trust not to judge you.  You are human and it is OK to think and feel whatever you might be thinking or feeling.  It is not OK to stuff it down and pretend you are fine.  You will regret that later.  Have a realistic knowledge that you will probably struggle at some point...it is normal...and it is OK.  Take care of yourself, not just everyone else.


Also, know that providing love, safety and security are paramount for your new child.  Providing structure, routine, discipline and natural consequences are extremely important as well.  They come with enough habits that need to be un-learned.  You do not want to let them get away with things in the beginning that you will later not allow.  (This is NOT a problem we had.  The teacher in me would not allow that.  However, I have read blogs of people who overindulged their kids at first and then had MAJOR issues when they tried to normalize expectations later.  NOT worth it!!)


OK, I know this has been rambling on and probably only making sense to a few people.  I just hope it helps who it needs to.


Kennedy has now been a part of our family for 8 months!  She continues to amaze us, and we love her very much.  It has been a journey filled with joy as well as tears.  There have been some periods of really rough times, but we have all continued to do the work and move forward.  Things are getting better all the time.  We know that sometimes, we will take one step forward and two steps back.  I have learned to talk to a few trusted people about whatever I am struggling with, and Kennedy is learning what it means to be part of a family.


Please continue to pray for our family and for all families who choose the path of older-child adoption.  It is a unique journey filled with steep inclines and slippery slopes, as well as the occasional free fall!  Your prayers are our safety ropes, so keep them coming!  We can see the summit.